


The Broken Heart's Resolve

by TheSeasonOfWinter



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Cannibalism, Character Death, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I cannot express enough how hard I'm gonna go on this story, Manga Spoilers, Morality, Not Beta Read, Sad, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 04, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, finding a will to live?, fix it kinda, like probs happier than canon but, three cheers for crying our eyes out, time swap, titan shifters eating shit, two erens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:56:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29768268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSeasonOfWinter/pseuds/TheSeasonOfWinter
Summary: The power of the Attack Titan is not something any Eren, past or present, had ever really understood. Which was why Eren Jaeger, age nineteen, found himself thrown back into 850 with the old Levi Squad about to set off on their last expedition.That's also why Eren Jaeger, age fifteen, found himself on an airship beyond the walls in the middle of a war he helped start after he only just beat Annie in a titan fight and got news that there was a breach in Wall Rose.. . . .Basically, S4 Eren is sent back to S1, and S2 Eren is sent to S4. And the absolute hell that unleashes.
Relationships: Eren Yaeger & morals, Eren Yeager & Everyone, Levi Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager
Comments: 66
Kudos: 228





	1. Rewind, Fast Forward, Stop

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR MANGA SPOILERS  
> LOOK AT ME  
> READ ME  
> THERE ARE SPOILERS HERE UP UNTIL LIKE CHAPTER 138  
> READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL  
> DO NOT TALK TO ME ABOUT BEING SPOILED  
> YOU SEE ME  
> YOU READ ME  
> OKAY?  
> OKAY  
> WE'RE OFF

Eren felt his neck separate from his spine.

_Oh,_ he thought, _that’s something._

He snapped hold of the Attack Titan’s power and threw this memory backwards until he felt it slam into the head of his younger self - sixteen, it felt like. Eren waited for the pull of time to unravel around him and wasn’t disappointed. This time, though, instead of yanking him into a seamless reversal, something snagged.

Almost like fingers in his hair or teeth in his neck, Eren was wrenched backward, and in a moment of actual, genuine surprise, he scrambled to grab hold of something to stop the fall. His fingers briefly grabbed hold of a moment - fresh blood in his mouth, new power in his veins, trapped in a warm corpse, crawling out and going home - before he was freefalling through time. His time.

Memories were slippery.

And nothing was stopping him from the plunge. 

No one could save him now. Not that anyone should really try. 

Eren Jaeger has never been the one to roll over, though, so he reached out again, felt years of time brush past his fingers, until something struck. His knuckles whitened, and he screamed as he pulled himself upwards and out -

His eyes were closed, and his hand was stuck.

There was yelling - so much of it, and it made Eren’s intense headache only feel worse. There were people saying his name, and saying - Eren winced, and his hand twitched.

The yelling got louder. 

Eren moved to cover his ears just for one second of adjusting to whatever mistake he made this time and realized something.

He was half transformed. 

From his wrist down was the unfinished arm of his titan. Eren hadn’t half-transformed since he was fifteen. 

He heard another voice, this one he knew very well. Hange was screaming their happy scream. That was their _titan and/or Eren_ scream. That also meant he was safe, although it also meant he wasn’t in the right place.

Hange hadn’t been that excited to see him for months.

“Ereeeeeen! Let me touch -” their voice cut off. 

It suddenly went very quiet.

Eren found the strength to crack open his eyes, tossing his hair out of his face to try and take in the blurry world around him. A field? Some trees in the distance, maybe, the sunlight shining bright. He blinked hard and tried again, absentmindedly releasing the arm he was apparently standing on. Eren slid down the skinless limb, landing on his butt with a grunt. He rubbed his temples, willing reality to come into focus but stopped moving completely when he felt the familiar press of a sword against his throat. 

“Who the fuck are you?” another familiar voice growled. 

Opening his eyes again, Eren saw the short, dark silhouette before him, back lit by the sun. “Cap . . . tain?”  
  


The sword pushed harder against his throat. “I’ll ask you again, who the _fuck_ are you?”   
  


That wasn’t good. That was Levi’s _I’m an inch away from ending a bloodline_ voice. Eren much preferred Hange right now.

The world was slowly swirling back into focus, and Eren could make out Levi’s features now. The heart attack of seeing him look young was enough to send Eren spiraling into unconsciousness. The noise returned.

_Maybe I’m finally dying this time,_ Eren couldn’t help but think hopefully. _That almost sounded like Petra’s voice._

. . .

Eren was sure he just died. There was no other explanation for what just happened - the twisting colors, the sounds, the feeling of being pulled down a rabbit hole - nah, he was dead. 

_“Fu’h”_ Oh, that sounded like him. Maybe he wasn't dead. Eren tried to take a deep breath, but the air made him cough, draggin the taste of blood back up his throat. Is he cut somewhere?

He heard screams, cries, and something that sounded like gunfire. Why there hell was there gun -

Arms hooked under his arms and pulled him back. He felt a connection server and exhaustion leadened his limbs. He had been in titan form, but why? There was no reason -

Someone was saying his name, running hands through his hair, thumbs brushing under his eyes. Eren tried to open them, and in the blur of night, he could see flashes of light and melting windows. He blinked hard, and a hand came into focus, a bandage tied around the wrist. “M’kasa . . .?”

A frantic voice tried desperately to be heard over the cacophony of the world around him - was that a bomb or did a building just fall - and Eren just slowly shook his head. It felt like blood was sloshing around in the bottom of his skull. Strong arms - sense when was Mikasa that big? - curled around his waist and yanking him into the air.

At least Eren knew enough about being carried by someone else using ODM gear to at least recognize it when it happened. He loosely curled his hand upward to wrap around his carrier’s neck. He felt a threadbear, cotton scarf and finally relaxed.

He wished he could see where they were going, he could hear other people and briefly wonder if they were on an expedition. He ended up pressed against what felt like rope, the wind batting his hair around. Eren couldn’t see.

Another hand reached out for the back of his hood and dragged him into someplace dropping him on his back on the floor just as fast. Eren worked even harder to blink his world into focus, and he could feel people start to gather around him. That was never a good thing, Eren had quite enough of that, back the fuck up. Someone might have reached out to touch him but someone else snapped at them. 

Someone kneeled by his head, cupping the back of it and raising him up slightly. More speaking, a voice saying -

“- ‘s Armin, can you -”

Armin? Eren went boneless in his hands. Mikasa and Armin were here, he’d be fine. Eren was not a calm person by nature, but focusing was a lot easier when he wasn’t scared out of his mind. He blinked again and finally saw the fluorescent lights above his head. 

Shadows danced around him, forming a perfect circle, and Eren could just barely make out hair color. Brown, blonde, two-toned - Jean was here, too?

“‘spaditon?” Eren tried to ask, blood coated his tongue. “Ou’side? Cap’n?”  
  


Another shadow moved forward, coming closer as it kneeled down by him.

“C’pn?” 

A nod, maybe. Eren was already feeling better about his situation. He was with friends.

He was lying on the floor in front of his friends - the thought made Eren grind his teeth and fight to sit up. The noise kicked up and people moved toward him - Eren felt hands on his shoulders - but he sat up anyway. No need to look like an invalid in front of the whole damn Corps. Eren forced himself to look around. They looked like they were in a vehicle, but didn’t they take the ODM gear _up?_ Were they fucking flying right now?

Eren could only really see movement - fuck, he hoped his eyes weren’t watering, Jean doesn’t need the ammo - and he was the only one that noticed when more people climbed in through the open door. 

Eren tilted his head. Those shadows were so small - smaller than the captain somehow - they wouldn’t have been soldiers. One of them leveled something, and Eren had seen the business end of a shotgun enough times to recognize it by shape alone.

He shot forward with a scream just as it fired. 


	2. Memories, Living and Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so many comments on one chapter thats not even 2,000 words? 
> 
> That makes me wanna spoil y'all.

Eren woke up in chains. How original.

But this time he could see and hear, so things were looking up already. The downside: time travel.

No Eren had ever warned Eren of this.

He groaned.

“Awake, then, huh?”

The deja vu Eren deals with on a regular basis was topped by the fact that he’s currently in his old bedroom which served to be the dungeon under the Survey Corps.’ castle with Levi Ackerman glaring at him from the other side of the bars. Eren hated the world more than he could ever fully express.

Well, maybe he will express it. The rumbling seemed like a good way to express world hatred. Eren shook that thought away. “Unfortunately, yes, I’m awake.”

“Fun for both of us. Who are you?” Levi marched forward and leaned one arm against the bars, staring at Eren with so much distrust it gave Eren a time complex. That’s how the Levi from the future would look at him after Marley.

“I’m Eren Jaeger.” No harm in telling the truth. He doesn’t know what his new plan will be.

Levi’s eye twitched, but that was the only outward sign that he was pissed off. “The Jaeger I know is a fifteen year old.”

“And can turn into a titan. What grounds are you basing your reasoning on? You don’t have the full picture,” Eren couldn’t help but laugh. “You don’t even have a third of the picture, actually.”

“And you do?”

Eren looked at the chains around his wrist. “I have an advantage.”   
  


Levi didn’t move. “Tell me about it.”

Eren contemplated it. He needed to get right back where he was, but honestly didn’t know if he’d make it. Didn’t know how bad he fucked things up. If he ripped his younger self out of the past and pushed himself in, he doesn’t have the years to return everything to how it was. There’s no guarantee that if he uses the Attack Titan’s power again how far he could rewind time. If he continues he might end up writing Eren Jaeger out of existence which wouldn’t -

Oh.

Eren has never been able to see who his successor would be. Never had access to those memories like he did to every other Attack Titan. He assumed it was because no one would  _ eat  _ him, and the power would be brought upon whoever Ymir decided. Or maybe vanish away entirely. But this makes more sense. 

Maybe Eren wasn’t supposed to keep it at all. 

If he went backwards, would the Founding Titan and the Warhammer Titan fall back with him? Would he grab three of the nine powers and wipe it away? Eren’s hand crept up to his chin. Strangely enough, Levi didn’t say anything.

If Eren Jaeger has all of the nine, but ends up never existing . . .

All he had to do was wait for Zeke to show up.

Eren felt his lip twitch.

Everyone was coming to him. Ymir, Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner were already here, Zeke and the Cart Titan would be coming soon, and he technically already possessed the Warhammer. He could still feel that power. 

He’d have to time it just right . . . but then again, he has plenty of time. 

He might be able to do it this time. As close to giddy as he’s been in a long time, Eren leaned forward. “When I transformed just now, I found out some things.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah?”

“It . . .” Eren tried to look horrified but amazed at the same time. His face didn’t want to work with him. “It showed me what titan are and what it means to shift like I do. The coordinate . . . it’s all connected!”

“And that what, aged you?”

Think fast - wow, Eren hadn’t had to improvise in such a long time. “I spent a long time there.”   
  


“Where?”

“The Paths, the coordinate, where it all connects!”

Levi stared at him for a long time before spitting out: “What was Eren Jaeger’s rank at the Cadet Academy?”

Eren floundered for a second, confused. “I was fifth in my class.”

“Who were the top four?”

“Mikasa Ackerman, Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, and Annie Leonhardt.”

“Where is Eren Jaeger from?”

“Shinganisha district, Wall Maria.”   
  


“What did Eren Jaeger eat for breakfast this morning?”

That one stumped him. “This morning?”

Levi blinked slowly at him.

“Uh . . .” Eren racked his brain, trying to remember what he had for breakfast  _ four years ago today.  _ “Uh, nothing?”

Levi gave him a hard stare for a long time, and Eren almost wished it affected him still. Finally the captain sighed and turned away. “The commander is on his way. Stay put, he’ll come to question you soon.”

He left, well, he was probably just waiting outside the door, but that was enough for Eren to start getting his mind going. 

Who’d have thought. He could end this without ever even going to Marley, now.

. . .

Eren woke up feeling both better and like shit. 

He was reclined against the side of this . . . whatever this thing was, with only Captain Levi by his side. Blinking the man into focus, Eren couldn’t help but frown. “Did we get new uniforms?”

Levi jerked in his direction, watching him with steel colored eyes.

“Why is it black?” Eren stretched, hoping to fix this ache in his shoulder. “I mean, that works for camouflage, but titans don’t move at night, so I don’t understand why -”   
  


“Eren,” Levi interrupted, stopping him cold. The captain rarely used his first name. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Sir,” Eren straightened up as much as he could. “We received word that Wall Rose was breached, and that there are titans within. We were on our way to the wall to regroup with the rest of the 104th and find Krista Lenz.”   
  


Levi’s face did a weird, emotive thing where it twisted up into the most disagreeable expression possible. Eren wilted slightly under that gaze, hoping a month of chores wasn’t in store for him. “How old are you?”

Eren paused. “Sir?”

“How. Old. Are you?” Levi stressed.

“Fifteen, sir.”  _ Same as yesterday. _

Levi looked at him for a moment before exhaling. “Fucking shit. Okay. This happens now.”   
  


“Captain Levi -”

“Do you know what you did?”

Eren was not following this at all. “What did I do?”

“Whatever you did to end up . . . like that.” Levi gestured to him. 

Eren just sat there. “What?”

Levi just shook his head and slammed his fist into the side of the wall, a metal clank echoing in the small compartment, making Eren jump. It was like he was trying to compose himself. Eren noticed something as he did that; Captain Levi looked old. Not really in a super wrinkly kind of way - though there were some now that he looked- but just in a general sense of being worn. Like he had been tired for a very long time. 

_ End up like what? _

Noise came from the small door Eren just now noticed after the bang, and he thought he heard his name. There was another door to their right where Hange came though, looking Eren up and down. Eren had never felt their gaze like that. There was none of the usual excitement, only a very clinical appraisal. It reminded Eren of his dad. Minus the new eyepatch, though, what -

Levi turned when they walked in. “He said -”

“I heard,” they interrupted. Eren waited for them to be kicked in the shin but Levi didn’t move. Things were getting weirder by the minute.

“Everything okay?” someone else asked from the room Hange just exited. Eren leaned forward a bit and saw a man looking back at them.

“Woah,” Eren’s eyes widened. “You have the darkest tan I’ve ever seen!”

The man seemed started for a second before he laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “Eren Jaeger everybody. Not exactly the type of person they news said you are. Or maybe,” the man looked out a window, eyebrows pinched, “maybe exactly that.”

“The news? Like the newspaper?” Eren asked, but Hange’s hard voice cut him off.

“What the hell are we supposed to do now?” they demanded. 

Eren floundered. “I don’t -”   
  


“What the  _ hell  _ are you going to ask from us now, huh, Eren?”

Eren had never seen them act like this. He tried to apologize anyway. “Squad Leader, I -”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say, though, considering Hange slapped a hand over their face and heaved a shuddered breath. Eren fell silent as they watched them.

“What the hell are we supposed to do now,” they repeated, hopelessly. 

Eren tried not to squirm, ansty to move, to act, to prove that he was still helpful even if he royally fucking something up this time. But it was so hard to think that when so much about this picture was wrong. Hange had one eye, they were in a machine Eren didn’t even know  _ existed,  _ and people are asked how old he was? Something wasn’t right, he messed up somehow, something wasn’t -

Eren stood, hands twitching at his side as he tried to breathe. Something was nagging at him, something he was stupid to ignore but it was just out of reach -

“Eren, calm down,” Levi placated, but that wasn’t right. Levi hadn’t done that until that disastrous expedition. He was acting like he didn’t trust Eren anymore and that didn’t make any sense because -

Eren dove for the door that led to the rest of the ship, yanked it open, and dashed through.

He didn’t recognize anyone there. Not completely anyway.

Some faces felt familiar, like he could have known them or seen them in a passing dream, but nothing was clicking. Nothing was making sense.

They all watched him, starting to crowd around as Eren started to hyperventilate. A man with red hair whom he couldn’t remember stepped forward, reaching out to touch him. “Eren -”   
  


“Floch, back the fuck up.” someone snapped. Eren watched as a tall man stepped forward as if guarding Eren from something. 

He felt like he was choking. “Jean?”

The man - holy shit, he was like in his twenties - flinched but leveled Eren’s gaze, smiling ruefully. “Yeah, long time no see.”

Eren’s smile was a wobbly thing. “The hell are you talking about, I’ve never seen you like this.”

That brought forth murmurs from the rest of the group, and more familiar strangers stepped forward.

“Hey, man, how are you feeling?” a man with a slightly longer buzz cut approached. “You took a bullet less than twenty minutes ago . . .”

Eren slowly turned to look at him. “Connie?” A brown haired woman was next to him. “S-Sasha?”

She smiled, offering a weak thumbs up. “You saved my ass earlier, man. I owe you one.”

Something in Eren’s chest swelled at those words, and that was added to the pile of things he didn’t understand. “W-where are -”

Two more people burst forward, hands outstretched as if to hug him but stopping just short of making contact. Eren felt adrift as he stared at their faces, head slowly shaking as he struggled to breathe.

“Eren, are you okay? You remember who we are?” the blonde haired man - with  _ titan marks  _ on his cheeks - spoke softly. 

The woman next to him, and there was no way Eren couldn’t recognize her, she’s the only one in the world who looked like that, only said his name. “Eren . . .”

Eren took a step back. “This isn’t possible.” He tried to smile again. “What- what happened? It was me, wasn’t it? Was . . . did I end up like Annie somehow? Was I in a crystal?” It was the only thing he could think of, and as horrible as that idea sounds, he needed it to be true. “How did you all get me out? You can’t cut though titan crystal -”   
  


He didn’t know what else to say. Why was he the only one in the real uniform, even if it was stained with his own blood. Why was no one else -

“Eren!” 

Everyone in the room reacted, people’s backs turning to Eren as they all crowded closer to him, facing whatever threat was coming. Levi and Hange both struck forward, hands on both of Eren’s arms as if to guide him backwards and away.

“Eren!”

But that voice was so familiar, something about was tugging at him, telling him that it was fine. The people in front of him shifted just slightly, and Eren got a good look at who it was. 

No one he recognized, but when the man saw him, the light reflected off his glasses as he screamed in dismay. Eren actually flinched at the sound, the building panic in his chest rising to dangerous levels. 

“NO!” the man screamed, trying to fight off some soldiers that were holding his arms. “No! You can’t do this, Eren! What are we supposed to do now! What’s left!  _ Damn it!”  _ The man charged forward but was thrown to the ground and pinned. Mikasa’s arm reached back, her hand on Eren’s chest, slowly pushing him back. The blonde man on the floor was sobbing, wheezing as he spoke. “I said I’d come back for you, didn’t I? I said I’d come back, so why the hell did you  _ leave me?”  _ Green eyes glared up at Eren, hopelessness shining in the tears.  _ “What are we supposed to do now?” _ _   
  
_

They eventually dragged him away to another room, and everyone else slowly relaxed. Hange, Levi, and Mikasa seemed reluctant to let him go, but Eren couldn’t stand to be touched right now. He backed up until he was standing in the threshold of the room he woke up in, staring at the floor in disbelief.

“Who was that?” he whispered.

The red head named Floch spoke before anyone else got the chance. “Zeke Jaeger. Your older brother.”

Eren flinched at the words, and voices rose to berate Floch who screamed back just as loudly. 

“What the actually fuck -”

“He deserves to know -”   
  


“He’s  _ fifteen!” _ __   
  


_ “We all were!” _

A hand found his shoulder again, and Eren jerked, making eye contact with Hange’s serious gaze. “Eren, don’t go to him alone. Don’t speak to him, don’t look at him, don’t even think about him right now, okay? And promise me you won’t ever touch him.”

“What -?”

“No contact whatsoever. Don’t hand him anything, no hugs, handshakes, or fist fights. That’s a fucking order, do you hear me?” Their hand tightened on their shoulder and Eren had a flashback to when Erwin grabbed him the same way.

_ “Who do you think the real enemy is?” _

Eren wasn’t sure he knew.


	3. Host of Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, I wanna thank y'all for the love and attention you're giving this fic but I do wanna stress something:
> 
> I use fanfiction as a self-indulgence, just like everyone else, but my way of doing that is trying to apply my style of writing into the reality of the world. I like analyzing characters, and I try to write them as in character as possible to practice dynamics. Having said that, as we know AOT is not a happy story. There doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel on this, folks.
> 
> So keep that in mind when you read this. The ending will be hopeful but sad. 
> 
> I have tagged major character death for a reason.
> 
> Having said that, I do want to mention that I am a total bitch and I really get off on hurting my readers with situations and dialogue. It may not be a happy story, but its the world we're familiar with, I promise. Please continue to read this if you can!

If Levi’s old squad didn’t know how to feel about him suddenly aging, Eren definitely didn’t know what to do with them being alive. 

It’s not like he ever forgot about them or anything, but the ending of the story had become his main focus as opposed to the middle. They blinked out of life so fast that Eren was wondering why he was even getting close to them again in the first place. He couldn’t really avoid them, but his memories of them were still strong. 

The heartache was going to be stronger this time around, he just knew it. It’s different when you know you can save people this time and still not do it. Well, Eren being the worst person alive isn’t exactly new information to him. To anyone now.

Didn’t stop him from accepting the tea Petra handed him through the bars of his cell. He remembered how good her tea was. Eren and Levi had tried to recreate what she did when they were all gone but could never get it right. They had switched to coffee in the end - well, not in Eren’s own memory but in some other time that’s what they did. In  _ his  _ past, he just found a different tea flavor and that was enough.

Petra tucked the tray under her arm and leveled Eren a stare through the bars. It was easy to underestimate Petra, with her sound brown eyes and small stature, but anyone who did that would be making the same mistake as if they had done it to Levi. Eren nodded his thanks and took a sip. It didn’t taste poisoned, but Eren thought that about every drink now. He thought of the wine . . .

“Ah, Petra, thank you. Could I have a moment alone with him?”

Petra fell into attention as Erwin entered, nodding. “Sir!” before she left.

Eren watched her leave then returned his gaze to his cup, swirling it slightly just to watch it move. 

Erwin Smith sighed and took a seat, crossing his legs and resting his hands on his knee. Two hands and fully alive, what a sight to behold of the Survey Corps. former commander. 

“You’re a lot of trouble, Eren Jaeger.” He said his name like it was a title. Maybe it was at this point. A title, a curse, not really the name of a person as much as the name of an idea, a concept. Eren drank his tea.

“What can you tell me about these ‘connections’?”

Eren made himself fiddle with his cup, keeping his eyes low. “The longer it is the less I remember, but …” he took a deep breath, “titans are people. I remember that.”

Erwin raised one eyebrow. Eren wondered if he got that from Levi or if Levi got it from him. 

“They’re human?”

“Yes - sir. Yes, sir.” Eren had been a bad soldier for most of his life but he wanted to kick himself for forgetting to actually be respectful. He’d fallen far. “I don’t know how, but people can be turned into titans although they don’t have free will after.”

Erwin chuckled. “How gratifying. They don’t choose to eat us. Lovely. Tell me about Titan shifters.”

Eren swallowed. “There are nine, and they all have a certain, um, feature that’s unique to that titan. The Armored and the Colossal are two. I’m one, but I don’t know which …”

“What are the others?”

“There’s … um,” Eren closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. “A … biting one? And one that walks on four legs. I think there’s one that’s special somehow, but I don’t know. That’s what the Admoded and the Colossal came here for. That special one.”

“Special. What makes it special?” 

“I don’t know, sir. I can’t remember.” Eren made himself tear up a bit. “I’m sorry, I can’t remember.” Should he wheeze? No, don’t want to lay it on too thick. 

“Alright, let’s talk about how you learned all of this.”

“When I reached for my spoon, it felt like I blinked and ended up somewhere else. There was sand, a light, and a girl. She told me all of this.” 

“And you say you were there how long?”

“Four years, sir.”  _ Lying through my teeth.  _

“And all you did was talk?”

“Time was … strange there. Very fast, but still really slow. I felt like I grew an inch with every word she said.”

Erwin leaned his head back and sighed before returning his gaze to Eren. “Are you still on humanity’s side, Eren?”

_ No,  _ he wanted to say.  _ Don’t trust me, don’t look at me, just leave me here.  _ “Yes, I am, sir. I’ll always be.”

Erwin nodded and went to unlock the cell door. “Then you better find Levi and ask for training. You’re four years out of practice. I’m going to have a meeting with Zachery about your new … situation. We’ll figure something out.” He walked in and unlocked the chains around Eren’s writs. The chafing was already healing. “Go upstairs and get some breakfast. This conversation is not over, though, so be prepared to meet with me again later today.”

“Yes, sir.” Eren said, wondering if it would make more sense to act like a teenager or not. 

“Oh, and Eren. Some recruits just arrived today from the 104th. Be prepared to answer those questions, too.”

Eren gave Erwin a look. “You want me to tell them everything I told you?”

“No. I will only be informing Squad leaders Levi and Hange about all the details. We are going to come up with a cover story for your aging right now.”

_ Oh, wonderful. I won’t have to do it.  _

Erwin cupped his chin. “We could say that it’s stressful to turn into a titan? It has an adverse effect on the body?”

“But that would me you couldn’t use me as much if it’s dangerous for me.” Eren couldn’t help but smile. This all felt like some kind of game. 

“True, but we don’t know if that’s actually true or not. Frankly, Eren, I’m taking what you’ve told me with a grain of salt. For all I know, being a Titan not only affects the body but the mind as well. We’ll go with the stress thing for now. Maybe we’ll change it later. Dismissed.”

Eren gave a salute - another thing he hadn’t done in a while - and left. In the hallway, Petra was standing, that tray still under her arm. Eren realized he never got to finish that tea. 

Petra glanced at him before nodding. “Wanna go get some breakfast?”

Eren’s stomach hurt. “Yes, please.”

They walked in silence for a second before Petra broke the ice. “So, how old are you, uh, physically now?”

“Did the commander already tell you?” 

“Yeah,” Petra’s fingers tightened on the tray. “Can't believe we couldn’t figure that out on our own. Of course it’s a strain on the body to turn fifteen meters high.”

Of course Erwin already decided how this would play out. Eren shouldn’t have expected anything different. In his defense though, he hasn't interacted with the man for four years. “Physically, I’m around nineteen years old.”

Petra gave a small laugh, looking at the ground. “That makes you older than me, then. I’m eighteen.”

Eren didn’t deign to reply. They walked in silence till they got to the small dining room. Eld, Gunter, Oulo, Levi, and Hange were already there, and they all stopped what they were doing when Eren walked in. He decided not to comment and went for the buffet style breakfast, scooping watered down porridge into a bowl. Damn, he missed Niccolo. 

Eren sat down next to Levi and tucked in even as the silence stretched. Hange couldn’t abide that for long, though. 

“So, Eren, how are you feeling?” They asked, leaning forward. It was strange seeing then with two eyes again. 

“I’ve been better. The commander says I need supervision as I practice with the gear in this new body.” Eren hated his life and the sentences that he said. 

Levi took a sip of his tea. “We’ll do that after we eat.”

“Eren, check this out!” Hange darted forward again, unwrapping a piece of cloth and dumping a spoon onto the table. 

“What.” Levi said, exasperated. 

“This was in Eren’s Titan hand! Perfectly intact! Not bent by heat for pressure or anything! Isn’t that amazing? Eren, were you trying to pick this up when you transformed?”

Eren ate his food. “Yes. It fell on the ground.”

Hange clapped. “You need  _ intent  _ as well as self-harm to turn into a titan! Pick up the spoon, plug up the wall, it’s the same thing!”

“But we can’t use him for experiments anymore,” Petra jumped in. “It’s not good for him.”

Hange’s head quirked to the side but then nodded. “Oh, right.”

Levi groaned into his cup. Eren wanted to laugh. 

“So,” Eld began, “you didn’t mean to turn into a titan? It was an accident?”

_ Oh, right. This.  _ “Yes.”

Eld made eye contact with the members of his squad, and they all nodded. Eren made sure to watch Levi’s reaction to them biting their hands this time, just for shits and giggles. He didn’t get anything out of it. Man didn’t even blink. 

Eren parroted his surprise, pretended to be touched once again, and put away his dishes to go to training. This memory, although so expressing the first time, left a bitter taste in his mouth. He remembers bite marks on the hands of corpses. Eager eyes saying  _ trust us _ , and Eren, the idiot,  _ did.  _

Not this time. 

…

Eren wished he could but he couldn’t look out the window. As soon as someone told him they were outside the walls -  _ how? - _ he knew that one more piece of new information would overload his senses, and he had no idea when he’d wake up if he passed out next. 

The people - adults, they were all adults - from the 104th stuck with him the closest, but there were some other members who were looking at him strangely. Like they expected a plan from him or something. 

Eren wasn’t the plan guy. Eren was the bitch that could lift big boulders, and that’s about all he he’d going for him. 

Yeah, he much preferred the company of those he actually knew. Even if they were four years older than him which no one had really explained, still. Eren was betting (hoping) on being in a crystal coma.

“So,” he said, “some of us seem to be missing . . .”

Eren glanced at his friends’ faces. No one would look at him. Mikasa was even hiding her face in her scarf which was solid evidence that Eren would not like the answer. 

He kept talking. “They just didn’t come on this . . . mission, right? They’re waiting back home? Reiner said, well, he said this a while ago, but he told me he had a new move he wanted to show me, so if he doesn’t deliver . . . Why are you all looking at me like that?”

Like he’d blasphemed or something. Eren felt his blood grow hotter the longer the silence went on. “What the hell aren’t you telling me? We keep secrets from each other now?”

Jean actually snorted at his, looking away with a bitter smile. “Oh, the irony.”   
  


Eren jumped up, fists shaking. “You got something you wanna say to me, horseface?”

As soon as he moved, a spike of what looked like white marble shot out from his hand. The resounding screams and yells broke Eren out of his rage long enough for it to dissolve right in his palm. He stared at it, fingers twitching, before finally returning to his seat, eyes staring blankly at the floor. 

“What is going on?” he whispered. “What’s happening to me?”   
  


Armin moved closer to Eren, hands up in surrender. As if Eren was a wild animal. As if Armin didn’t trust him not to attack. He looked at him with tired blue eyes, the titan lines a stark contrast to his pale skin. “So, you still have the Warhammer Titan.”

Eren just looked at him helplessly. “The Warhammer . . . Titan?”

“Congrats, Eren,” Connie tried to smile, “you’ve got three of the nine, now.”

“Three? Nine what?” Eren was this close to either screaming or crying. He might do both. “What the  _ hell  _ are you guys  _ talking about?!” _

“Oi,” Levi chided, causing Eren to shut his mouth so fast his teeth clacked together. “You’ll get a full debrief when we return to the island. Put your trust in us for now. You still trust us, Jaeger?”

The way Levi was looking at him proved that this was a test. One with a very obvious right answer, so Eren didn’t understand why Levi was looking at him like he expected him to get it wrong. “With my life, sir.”   
  


Levi’s scowl tightened, and he got up and walked away. Eren watched him leave and wondered what he’d deone wrong this time. He should just try to stay calm. It’ll be fine, it’s not like anyone here was going to hurt him - not like Mikasa would let anyone close.

Unless Levi already chose people for his elite squad. Maybe Eren had new hadlers now. New executioners. Eren’s hand crept up to cup the nape of his neck, rubbing it slightly as he wondered why it ached all of a sudden.


	4. A Home or a Haunt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I asked my friend tonight if I was going to be nice and upload another chapter and she said yes, so here you go.
> 
> Also, fun fact, I just now realized that sometimes people leave little blips in their bookmarks, and I went through all of them on all my fics. One of them tagged a story as fluff, and I was like holy fuck you're right. I don't write it enough, I don't even notice. Amazing. I wrote fluff.
> 
> Anyway, here's some more heartbreak. We're about to jump right into combat chapters my friends, and I have been listening to Kokoronashi on repeat for three days. 
> 
> So, be prepared. 
> 
> (also sorry it's kinda short)

Eren was still good with ODM gear. What a happy surprise. He definitely didn’t expect to take it back up anytime soon - why fly when you could just be a giant and walk three steps - but it put the Corps. mind at ease, so that was something. The whole idea was to seem innocent, after all.

As soon as Levi was satisfied with his assessment, he sent Eren over to Oulo to clean out the stables - after he made Eren shave. 

“Get that dead rat off your face”

“Yes, sir.”

In his defense, they didn’t like giving razors to the mentally unstable patients at the Marley hospital. Eren’s own personal opinion was Levi wanted it gone because the older man was never able to grow a beard himself. And that is an observation Eren would take to his grave.

As Eren bent over, shoveling horse shit into a bucket, he turned to Oulo. “I don’t suppose you have a tie or anything for my hair?”

Oulo was visibly grinding his teeth. “You should just cut when you were shaving. It’s a bad idea to have it that long and use ODM. You would  _ know  _ that if you weren’t such a rookie.”   
  


The obvious argument would be to point out that Eren was in the top ten of his entire cadet corps, so he obviously knew that or to point out that Eren doesn’t exactly have to use the gear to fight titans, but instead he just sighed and ripped a small sliver of fabric from his shirt. He was wearing the old cape, so it’s not like anyone would see it no matter how much Oulo was blubbering. With this, he couldn’t get his hair as high up as he preferred, so his ponytail rested at the nape of his neck, some loose hairs falling in his eyes still.

As Eren worked, he realized something. His mouth had been crooked up into a small smile this entire time. He was actually entertained by this situation, but the world around him. As if everything was somehow fine. He felt his face fall slack. As if he wasn’t the biggest bomb the world would ever know . . . 

A group of people walked by the stall, short people wearing the same uniform. Eren froze as they walked by, recognizing far too many.

One of them recognized him too.

Mikasa Ackerman was still small, still had her bob, and still looked at Eren as if he was something special as opposed to something painful. The scar on her cheek was still fresh, the skin around the edges still red. Her eyes misted as she looked at him, a startled expression of fear taking over her pretty face. “Mrs. Jaeger?”

Oh, wow, that hurt. 

It’d been a while since something had hurt that bad. Eren straightened up and leaned on the shovel, shaking his head. He half wanted to undo his hair but staying still seemed the safest bet right now. All he really did to answer her was shake his head.

At Mikasa’s question, Armin skidded to a halt and stared at Eren with wide eyes, glancing at him then back to Mikasa before stepping forward. “Are you related to the Jaegers in some way, sir?”

Eren’s eyes drifted to the right. “In some way, yeah.”

Mikasa and Armin broke away from the group completely, charging forward into the horse stall. They came up to Eren’s chest, and his heart ached. The other members of the 104th were peaking around the corner, wondering what was going on. 

Eren turned to Oulo, wondering if there was a specific play he was supposed to be implementing here, but the man didn’t move or speak. He stood there, leaning against the wall, watching. Armin followed his gaze, eyebrows furrowing as he thought.

Okay, let’s try to curb that. “Your orders, sir?”

Oulo scowled. “Just do what the commander told you to, dumbass.”

Eren suppressed a sigh and looked back down at his childhood friends. Mikasa was watching him like a hawk, grey eyes zeroing in on his face, analyzing. His eyes widened for a second before he relaxed completely. Mikasa stared at his eyes harder, her hair moving as she slowly shook her head.

“No, that’s not possible . . .” she whispered.

Eren tilted his head to the side. Would the old Eren have smiled? He didn’t think he had it in him. “You figured it out fast. I was sure it’d be Armin.”

Mikasa took a step back, tears starting to bubble in her eyes. “That can’t happen. That doesn't make sense -”   
  


“It makes as much sense as turning into a titan,” Eren argued. That was when everyone else realized something wasn’t right. The rest of the new Survey Corps. recruits dashed forward, unfortunately open-minded but still in denial. Eren’s eyes drifted over to the two Maryleyan warriors, sizing up their reactions. Both Reiner and Bertholdt looked sick, scared, and alone. 

Hah.

Fifteen years old.

Eren felt so tired.

He almost jumped when Armin reached out for his face, sliding a small hand against Eren’s cheek, turning him to look the younger boy in the eye. Armin stared at him hard, thumb gently swiping underneath Eren’s eye.    
  


“Does - does shifting do this?” Armin said out loud. “Did we do this to you . . .?”

Damn, he was so smart. Always has been.   
  


Mikasa was still fighting not to run away, her heart at war with the rest of her mind. “Eren . . .?”

The group exploded with exclamations, screams, questions. They charge forward, reaching out to touch his face, his hair, his clothes. Eren bit down on his bottom lip and turned to Oulo. “Sir, may I be excused to explain the situation?”

“Where are you going?” Oulo asked.

Eren thought for a second, the noise dying down as he ignored the 104th. “The picnic tables in the field?”

Oulo sighed dramatically. “Fine. We can still see you from there.” He leveled a hard glare at Eren. “Fucking behave, Jaeger.” And he left.

Eren dodged the group of teens in front of him and walked out of the stall, calling over his shoulder, “this way.”

Mikasa darted forward to his side, her hand trembling slightly as it reached out for his cloak, fisting it tightly like Eren might run off on her. She must be so stressed. Last time she saw her Eren, his face was getting beat in my Captain Levi’s shoe. Eren led them to the innocuous table where he woke up into this nostalgic nightmare and promptly sat down. The others gathered around him uneasily, saying nothing.

Eren raised an eyebrow. “You don’t have questions?”

“Oh, plenty,” Ymir snapped. “But first I have to make sure  _ I’m  _ not going crazy.”

Eren contemplated forcing a laugh for all but two seconds before discarding the idea completely. He could feel Mikasa’s hand shaking. “I suppose that’s fair. On the plus side, I’m physically nineteen now.”

“How the  _ hell,”  _ Jean stressed, “did that even happen?”

Eren laced his fingers together and leaned forward on his knees, looking down. One of the plus sides of keeping your hair long is when it would fall in front of your face and no one could see your expression. “There are apparently drawbacks to titan shifting.”

He could just imagine the faces Ymir, Reiner, and Bertholdt were making. Their prior knowledge warring with the supposed evidence in front of their face. Eren almost wanted to say he was having fun. It’s nice whenever you're in the know.

“What . . . happened?” Armin asked again, taking a seat by Eren.

Eren just shrugged. “Squad Leader Hange is trying to figure that out, but who knows. No one’s really sure what happened. I just started aging really fast after the trial. Well,” Eren tilted his head back to look at the sky. “I was growing a bit when being held for the trial, so it just kept going really.”

“Is there a way to stop it?” Krista asked.

Eren was once again in awe of her acting ability. Standing there like she gave a damn. Eren wanted to laugh, but he kept it in. “Not that we know of, but we don’t think it's happening too quickly since I’ve been aging normally all my life.” Eh, why not have some fun. “Maybe it’s something about my titan that’s doing it.”

Armin caught it. “ _ Your  _ titan?”

_ Oops.  _ Eren blinked slowly, like he was coming back from zoning out. “What? I - I don’t know. It is mine, isn’t it?”

Reiner turned to Bertholdt in well disguised panic. Eren fought off a smile. He was a petty bitch.

_ “Who’s the real enemy?” _ _   
  
_

His good mood vanished, thoughts of broken walls and screams echoing in his ears. That familiar rage burned under his skin, and he lowered his face back to the ground. The group got quiet, unsure how to proceed. Eren didn’t blame them, but at least the lie was pretty. A tragic hero fit the mold a lot easier than what Eren was in reality.

“Are you still going on the expedition?” Connie eventually asked.

“Yeah. The expedition is only a trial to see which branch of the military can own me, so they can’t exactly leave me here.”

“No one owns you, Eren,” Mikasa said, quiet but firm. “You deserve your freedom.”

_ Freedom.  _

Eren looked at the surrounding faces. Ymir was alive, protectively standing next to Krista. Reiner and Bertholdt were looking worried beside each other, drifting closer to the rest of the group as if seeking comfort. Sasha was alive, sandwiched between Jean and Connie, trying to look brave. Armin was to his left, no thirteen-year expiration date. Mikasa was to his right, and she still thought he was a good person. 

Yeah. Freedom was the whole point, wasn’t it?

. . .

When the little airship thing ended, it was by the sea. 

They were some of the first people to get off, the rest of the soldiers handling the prisoners while everyone else served as Eren Jaeger defense squad. Story of his life. As soon as his feet hit the - the sand? - he was charging forward, dodging past Sasha as he barreled towards the water. There were shouts of alarm but Armin’s now-deep voice held them back.

“Let him go.”

Eren couldn’t believe it; it was everything Armin said it would be. The air was warm, he could taste salt in the air, and the water made noise as it crashed against the shore. Eren skidded to a halt right where the shore met the water, and he could only bounce on his feet in his excitement. For a split second, Eren floundered, then he desperately started to take off his boots, jumping on one foot as he frantically tried to charge into the water. He didn’t roll up his pants, he didn’t even shift the leather straps off of his feet and legs, he just wanted to stand in it.

He walked forward until the water reached his knees and finally stopped. Eren’s eyes were closed, the salty wind moving his hair, the cool water gently pushing against his legs. He blinked open his eyes, feeling tears cling to his eyelashes. When he breathed, it felt like it was the first deep breath he’s taken in a long time. Maybe in years.

Looking forward, you couldn’t see anything. It was only the blue that gradually got darker the farther away it went. It almost seemed like the end of the world. Eren reached out his hand towards the distance, wondering how far the world went, how wide it was, when a hand slammed onto his shoulder. 

He jumped and turned to see Mikasa standing behind him. It was so weird looking up at her, even stranger to see her expression: pinched, worried, . . . fearful. Eren slowly lowered his hand.

“Eren,” she said, his name like a creed, “we should go.”

He was confused but allowed himself to be led away. Mikasa kept her hand on Eren’s shoulder until they were back with the group, even though he was barefoot and soaking wet. Levi glared at him as he tried to shake the water off. 

By now everyone was off the airship, and Eren got a good look at the prisoners they brought back. There was that blonde man - his brother, apparently - and two kids. Eren wasn’t standing very close to them, but it was clear all three were looking at him. The three expressions differed greatly - the blonde haired man looked conflicted, the small girl looked furious, and the small boy looked confused - but, strangely enough, Eren was starting to come to grips with the fact people would always be watching him. What did they call him in the walls?   
  


_ Humanity’s Last Hope _

_ Not really _ , Eren thought, looking at the three being led away.  _ Apparently humanity was doing fine. It was specifically us that were left out to dry. _

Hange turned to Levi. “I need you to watch Zeke Jaeger.”

Eren paused for a second - wondering why the hell Hange was giving  _ Levi  _ orders - but the captain glanced at him. Levi’s frown deepened. “Are you sure -”   
  


“You’re the only one who would even have a chance of taking down the Beast Titan,” Hange argues.

Levi just stares blankly back. “I’m the only one who would have a chance of taking down any of the titan shifters here.”

Eren had a brief moment of  _ how many are there?  _ before what Levi just said sunk in. He felt his heart sink and a chill tumbled down his spine. He was stupid to think he wasn’t off the hook just because he caught Annie. 

_ “Eren! Trust us!” _ _   
  
_

Eren bit his lip and looked at the ground. 

Jean wrapping his arm around his shoulders broke him out of his thoughts immediately. “Hey, what the hell -?”

“Come on, let’s go.” Jean steered him towards a - another machine? A long joining of metal cars on a track -

_ A train,  _ something in his mind muttered.

  
  


This was just startling enough for Eren to allow himself to be led inside, taking a seat by a window in a small car with Armin and Mikasa. Looking out the window, Eren could see Levi still standing outside, watching them as the train sprang to life and dragged away from him. Eren twisted in his seat to watch him, his eyes drifting to the blonde man under guard next to the captain. 

Zeke Jaeger caught his eyes, and Eren watched as determination chiseled his features. He stepped forward and screamed something at the departing train, and Levi was swift to kick him in the knee sending his supposed brother crashing into the dirt.

Zeke’s eyes never left Eren’s. 

In a flash, images of the walls crumbling down - a giant foot stomping on the ground - and a skeletal hand - blood rushing to his head  _ \-  _

**_“Goodbye . . . Eren.”_ **

He slammed his back into the seat, letting his head hit the wood behind him. He choked on a scream, biting his tongue to keep quiet. Mikasa and Armin both leapt to his side, once again running their hands through his hair, across his throat. 

“Stop!” He shook them off, curling into the corner, bracing his forehead against the cold glass of the window. Eren was panting, eyes hooded as he tried to think. “Just . . . stop for right now, okay. Please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I write happy stories?
> 
> no ~ not ~ really ~
> 
> Am I having fun tho?
> 
> yes ~ sir ~ ree


End file.
